Forgiveness – Do It For You

By "forgiveness", I mean letting go of anger. When you carry anger toward another person, it generally hurts you more than it does them. If the person you are angry at is an ex, then your anger probably does not even mean that much to them. They are walking around, getting on with life, and all the...
December 8, 2015

A Problem to Solve, Not a War to Win

Too often divorce is seen as a war (remember "War of the Roses"?). When we see it as a war, then "winning" becomes the primary objective. But how often does one really win in a divorce? Certainly a hard fought divorce comes with many costs -- money, time, energy, etc. Both parties emerge emotionally...
November 24, 2015

Changing the Role of the Divorce Lawyer

Collaborative process is unique in that it fundamentally changes the role of the lawyer in divorce cases. Rather than being the mouthpiece for the client, the Collaborative lawyer supports the client in speaking for him or her self in direct discussions with their spouse or significant other....
November 5, 2015

Divorce Coaching

When couples want to have a more amicable divorce process, Divorce Coaching can help turn that hope into reality. We regularly use Divorce Coaches on Collaborative teams, but a Divorce Coach can also be very helpful to couples engaging in mediation or using a kitchen table approach. Divorce Coach...
September 17, 2015
Non violent communication

Explaining and Using Nonviolent Communication

The other day I mentioned the phrase "nonviolent communication" to my spouse. She asked what that meant - to her it sounded like something used to stop domestic violence between parties. In fact, "violent communication" does not refer to physical violence, but rather refers to something most of us a...
September 3, 2015

Divorce (or Not) – a book by Joseph Shaub

I recently had the honor of being asked to preview a new book on divorce by my good friend Joseph Shaub. Joe is both an attorney and a family therapist.  He has worked extensively as a divorce mediator, Collaborative divorce attorney, and Collaborative Divorce Coach. I have enjoyed working with him...
August 27, 2015

A Different Kind of Family Law Firm

Yesterday I had another unsolicited resume sent in by an attorney who was interested in Seattle Divorce Services specifically because he really liked the way we resolve family law issues.  In fact, several of our recent hires have been attorneys who wanted to leave their firms and join us primarily...
July 23, 2015

ADR Best Only If We Are Getting Along?

Many people assume that Alternative Dispute Resolution methods (like Mediation or Collaboration) won't work if the couple is not getting along well, and that their only option is heading straight to court.  In fact, Mediation and Collaboration are actually designed for conflict management.  Too ofte...
May 19, 2015

Collaboration – A Decision Making Model

A good friend recently pointed out to me that Collaboration may best be described as a Decision-Making Model.  A divorcing couple has many decisions to make.  These include decisions about property division, support, and if there are children, how to parent in separate households.  In our state, how...
May 13, 2015

What is Early Mediation?

Early Mediation is typically an intervention early in the case to try and keep from going into litigation.  In other words, it is an attempt to see if the parties can work cooperatively to resolve the case before heading down the adversarial path.  At this stage in the case, the parties are wanting...
April 30, 2015