The Problem With Escalating Conflict

Too often people believe that the best way to deal with conflict is to "fight fire with fire". If they are accused of something, they accuse back. If they are yelled at, they yell back. If attacked in any way, they attack back. The problem with this approach is that it just fuels the fire, and ever...

The Collaboration Option – by Theresa Lorella

By Theresa Lorella Attorney at Seattle Divorce Services Many of the tools that have been discussed in the previous articles in this series that aid parties in lowering conflict and arriving at settlement agreements, have come to us from the world of Collaborative Law. Most Collaborative cases invol...

The Mediation Option – by Theresa Lorella

By Theresa Lorella Attorney at Seattle Divorce Services In the previous posts in this series, we have explored methods to move a litigation case into a more cooperative setting or to begin a litigation filing with the express intent of remaining cooperative. For those who are firmly committed to a...

The Hybrid “Cooperative Divorce” by Theresa Lorella

By Theresa Lorella Attorney at Seattle Divorce Services As described in the previous post, many people are hoping they can avoid the costs—emotional and financial—of litigating a divorce or legal separation from their partner. In the first article, I discussed how to potentially reduce the conflict...

Cooperative Litigation – by Theresa Lorella

By Theresa Lorella Attorney at Seattle Divorce Services Most people do not approach an impending separation from their spouse with the desire to “fight it out.” In fact, most people hope that they can avoid unnecessary pain to themselves, their spouse and their children whenever possible. While div...

Moving from Positions to Interests

At the recent annual conference of the Collaborative Professionals of Washington, I attended a workshop by Jacinta Gallant, a mediator and Collaborative lawyer from Prince Edward Island. One of the things she spoke about was the process of moving from positions to interests in negotiations. Positio...

Six Tips for Settling Your Divorce

Note that I did not say "winning" your divorce. As a general rule, no one wins a divorce case; instead the court tries to be as fair to both as possible and both sides get something. While there are those people who look forward to taking the other spouse to court, most people just want to get the c...

Forgiveness – Do It For You

By "forgiveness", I mean letting go of anger. When you carry anger toward another person, it generally hurts you more than it does them. If the person you are angry at is an ex, then your anger probably does not even mean that much to them. They are walking around, getting on with life, and all the...

A Problem to Solve, Not a War to Win

Too often divorce is seen as a war (remember "War of the Roses"?). When we see it as a war, then "winning" becomes the primary objective. But how often does one really win in a divorce? Certainly a hard fought divorce comes with many costs -- money, time, energy, etc. Both parties emerge emotionally...

Changing the Role of the Divorce Lawyer

Collaborative process is unique in that it fundamentally changes the role of the lawyer in divorce cases. Rather than being the mouthpiece for the client, the Collaborative lawyer supports the client in speaking for him or her self in direct discussions with their spouse or significant other....