The most traditional approach is for both parties to hire lawyers to litigate the case. Litigation treats the spouses as adversaries, fighting over the allocation of scarce resources. The typical basis for settlement is the question “what will the court do?”. Most experienced Seattle divorce attorneys will have a good idea what is likely to happen at trial in most cases, so a settlement is usually reached along those lines. Of course, the answer to the question “what will the court do?” question is only a range, not a specific answer, so there are generally extended negotiations before a settlement is finally reached. At Seattle Divorce Services, our divorce lawyers do quite a bit of litigation with a focus on the negotiation process. We tend to see trial, and its high expenses, as the last resort when negotiations break down.

Often a mediator will be used to help the parties reach agreement. In a litigated case, the mediator usually comes in at the end, shortly before trial, in what is called a Settlement Conference. That mediator will typically rely heavily on giving a third-party neutral opinion on what they believe the court will do to try and break any stalemate between what the two attorneys are saying they believe will happen at trial.

On the other hand, the two spouses may choose to work with a mediator directly, without attorneys present. This is often referred to as Early Mediation, as it takes place earlier in the case. This form of mediation tends to be more focused on helping the couple figure out what works for them rather than advising them on what a court would do. It is similar to the kitchen table approach, but with a third party present who has the skills and tools to help the couple move forward when they butt heads and get stuck. We have several attorneys who offer mediation services, but it is important they meet with both spouses from the start to avoid any appearance of being influenced by one side or the other.

Another approach, and one we particularly like to use in our office, is Collaborative Divorce. This operates somewhat like Early Mediation, but with more resources to help the couple feel confident they are making the best decisions possible. Both spouses also agree that they will not go to court or use the threat of going to court, which means that they need to work on listening to each other rather than bullying each other.

Initially, each spouse will hire a Seattle divorce attorney, and those attorneys will help them put together a team that may include a financial specialist, a divorce coach (communications specialist), and a parenting specialist. Over a series of meetings, the couple will outline their financial situation, define goals for the future, develop and analyze different options for settlement, and finally refine those options down into a package that best meets their respective goals. We believe this is the best approach for a couple that wants to avoid fighting and hopes to continue to have some relationship after the divorce, especially as co-parents.

If you and your spouse have already agreed on who will keep the house, then the court will likely honor that agreement. If you are unable to agree, then the answer becomes more complicated. One of the court’s goals in a divorce proceeding is to arrive at the least disruptive solution. As a result, the spouse who has already moved out is less likely to retain possession of the house if the other spouse has remained in the home and wishes to keep it. That said, keeping the house isn’t always in your best interest, depending on the financial impacts your divorce may have. A Seattle divorce lawyer can provide invaluable guidance in deciding what to do about the marital home.