Collaborative Marriage Planning

At the annual Forum of the IACP (International Academy of Collaborative Professionals) this past weekend, I ran into a concept I really liked - Collaborative Marriage Planning, although it might better be called Collaborative Relationship Planning as it is really intended to help couples plan for th...

Non-Traditional Families

Families come in many shapes and sizes.  There is the traditional American nuclear family with a husband, wife, and 2.5 children. There are extended families living under one roof. There are blended families, families with spouses of the same gender, families with unmarried adults, families with mor...

Hammer and Nail

I was very impressed with a Boston area law firm's website I ran across today. The Boston Law Collaborative , PLLC really resonated with me, because what they do in Boston is very similar to what we are doing here at Seattle Divorce Services. I ran across the website as I was getting ready to call D...

Tips for Reducing Conflict

Divorce has a reputation of being all about conflict - before, during, and after. It does not have to be like that, however. Here are a few tips for reducing conflict in your relationships: 1. Focus on what is important. Sometimes we just get in the habit of conflict - we'll argue with ANYTHING a c...

The Difference Between Assertiveness and Aggression

I just saw an interesting article by the English mediator Neil Denny in which at one point he discussed the difference between assertiveness and aggression. As he put it: Being assertive does not mean locking horns or getting into a fight with the client. That is aggression. Assertiveness simply mea...

Amicable Divorce

I often have people come in for a consultation about an amicable divorce. They and their spouse agree that they want to keep the divorce amicable, and often they hope to be able to work out their own settlement between themselves (the "kitchen table" approach) without professionals. What makes me wo...

Do You Want Your Divorce to Stay Out of Court?

Many people heading into divorce dread the prospect of ending up in a court battle. They don't want the acrimony or the finger-pointing, they don't want the long drawn-out process, and they don't want to make an enemy of their spouse, even if they aren't close anymore. There are actually a number...

Curious Questioning

Curious questioning refers to asking questions that really are open ended - not supposing any particular answer but rather trying to gather information that we are genuinely curious about. Very often when we ask questions, there are certain answers we are really looking for.  We may be trying to...

Empathy in Divorce

An initial reaction is likely to be, "Why should I have any empathy for my divorcing spouse?" In fact, empathy is a skill that can help you better settle your divorce issues. Empathy is the ability to see things from the other person's point of view. When you can do that, you reach a better under...

The Problem is the Problem

My wife and I are planning on meeting to go out to lunch today. However, we have not agreed on where to go. She mentioned La Isla, but I'm thinking India Bistro. When we meet, there are several scenarios that could play out: One is that we could both insist on our own choice: we argue, we fight a...