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Guest Blog by Sunny McMillan

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Studies show that cancer patients who are engaged in their treatment plan and healing fare much better than those who sit back and allow their medical team to dictate what will happen to them. In much the same way, you can apply these same principles to your divorce.

Yes, there are laws and guidelines you will be required to follow, and the mediator and/or attorney you hire will assist you with that. However, much like a patient becoming proactive in his or her medical care, it will be up to you to decide who you want to be and how you want to handle the rest of your divorce.

I often ask my clients to define their values or the character traits they want to exemplify during their divorce. Once they have identified these characteristics, they can use them as guiding principles in hiring an attorney who aligns with their philosophy, in selecting their preferred method for dispute resolution, and in choosing their words and actions throughout the proceedings.

If, for example, you choose authenticity, integrity, and compassion, ask yourself throughout the process whether your behavior and legal strategy aligns with these traits.

Additionally, like a professional athlete visualizing a perfect performance, spend time envisioning how you want the proceedings to unfold and how you want your relationship with your soon-to-be ex to look.

In my own divorce, for example, I found that by setting intentions, staying grounded, and doing visualizations of negotiations and my ideal future relationship with my ex, my energy affected my spouse’s reactions and his willingness to engage constructively.

There will likely be moments when tensions flare and you fear the worst, or you may not have a spouse who is willing to play nice. While you can’t control your spouse’s actions, you can control your own energy and reactions.

Instead of focusing on external circumstances, try bringing that focus inward. Take more time for self-care, much-needed rest, and connection to your inner wisdom through whatever means work best for you.

Sunny Joy McMillan is a former attorney and current practicing master life coach who did her training and certification with Dr. Martha Beck. Find out more and download a free copy of her book, Unhitched, by visiting: www.unhitchedbook.com.