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How Washington State Frames Child Custody — And Why it Matters

To get the best outcome for your children, it helps to understand how Washington courts view custody today. Here is how our state’s laws evolved to focus on the ‘best interests of the child:

Surprisingly, under Washington Law, there really is no such thing as “child custody.” Still, many people will search for us under “Seattle child custody lawyer,” and I will continue to use the term child custody on this page simply because that is the common term people know.

Our legislature got rid of most ‘custody’ language several decades ago and substituted the term “parenting plan.” While this can sound like playing with words, the idea was both to get away from the notion that a child is awarded to one parent or the other and to instead emphasize the role of both parents in raising a child.

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Seattle parents discussing a child custody agreement

A typical parenting arrangement will start with the regular weekly schedule, then make exceptions for school vacations and holidays.

The Goal: At any given time, it is clear which parent has the right to be with the child, and parties can avoid unnecessary disputes.

In developing a child custody parenting schedule or parenting agreement, the court generally wants to have it specific enough that:

  • at any given time, it is clear which parent has the right to be with the child.
  • the detailed contents helps parents avoid disputes as to where the child should be at any given time. The court does not want you having to come back to for a hearing when issues arise, rather the answer to any dispute should be “look at the parenting plan.”

If the parents live a long distance from each other or one decides to relocate, the parenting schedule may look very different. If one parent is in Seattle and the other in San Francisco, it is not realistic to talk about alternating weekends. In those cases, it may be necessary to have the school time with one parent and school breaks mostly with the other.

Besides residential time, parenting plans address many other issues:

Joint Decision-Making

Generally both parents should be involved in major decisions affecting the child, such as educational issues and medical care.

Transportation Between the Parents

This is especially important when the parents do not live close to each other, or there is significant parental conflict.

Relocation

When a parent moves out of the area, prior notice is required so that any needed changes to the custody arrangements can be worked out.

Dispute Resolution

Usually there will be a process, such as mediation, that the parents need to follow before bringing future custody or parenting issues back to the court.

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This may include issues such as the parental status of both parents.

Other Issues

This is where we can address special concerns that have been raised, such as parental rights to care for the children when the scheduled parent is unavailable.

We know the idea of co-parenting with the other person may seem daunting right now, but we're here to make it as simple and effective a transition as possible.

If you choose a Collaborative process, you will be working with a professional team that includes the custody law firm, as well as a coach or child specialist. Some of the parenting discussions will likely take place at full group meetings with your lawyer present, while others may involve working with just the coach or parenting specialist to work out details. The role of your Seattle custody attorney in the full group meetings is to help lay out a framework of issues and work with the other team members to guide you through a process of outlining the goals and major concepts that the two of you want to build your plan around.

Should I expect a 50/50 split?

Parenting time may not be necessarily equal in a parent plan. There are various reasons for having the child with one parent more than the other.

Ultimately the court is more concerned with what it feels is best for the child rather than what the parents may consider to most fair.

Possible Reasons for Unequal Parenting Time:

  • Not disrupting school and homework – this often (but not always) means having a schedule that keeps the child in one home during the school week
  • Considerable distances between parents’ residences – this can affect what will work well (extended frequent travel time is not a plus)
  • The parenting skill of each parent – the issue is not so much who is better, but whether each parent is adequate
  • The child’s feelings about the parenting schedule – the child may be interviewed by a court appointed investigator
  • Extracurricular activities – the child’s schedule might affect where the child needs to be at certain times of the week
  • A history of abusive behavior by a parent – this may require limitations on a parent’s time with the child

Since our courts avoid using child custody language, when one parent has more time than the other parent, we usually refer to that parent as the “primary residential parent”. The other parent is often then said to have “visitation” time, though this term would seem to run counter to the notion of emphasizing the importance of the roles of both parents. Perhaps “other residential parent” would be better.

Child Custody Proceeding Do’s & Don’ts

Since the courts want to preserve as much relationship with both parents as possible, parenting plans are structured to keep both parents involved. Even an abusive parent might have limited contact with the child, such as supervised visitation where the child is protected but still has the opportunity to know the parent.

Correcting a common misconception: “Winning custody” = gaining the majority of time with the child (primary residential parent) ≠ full time nor full control.

In a standard divorce where both parents are fit parents, but the court is being asked to choose one as the primary residential parent (typically this refers to the one the children will be with during the school week):

DO

  • Take a more positive approach
    • Point out what you bring to parenting (special skills or training, availability, etc.) and how you plan to include and work with the other parent.
    • Provide positive evidence/information on top of the negative facts about the other parent. This may actually help you be taken more seriously. For instance, you could say the other parent is generous and cares about the children, but loses their temper and become violent too easily.
  • Keep the information provided as factual as possible.  If there are specific incidences that you wish to bring into the conversation and which you have witnesses to, tell your attorney, as they may agree the information would be helpful and that you should obtain a declaration. Present your facts and let the other person (investigator or judge) decide for themselves.

DON’T

  • Try to run down the other parent. Going on rants about how awful the other person is do not help, rather they make you look angry and vindictive. Most importantly, doing so may actually be seen as a sign that you are not able to separate out your own feelings from what is best for the children and may lead the court hold a bad opinion of you.
  • Bring up unverifiable declarations from various friends and family that have little factual information in them. I often call these “good Mom/Dad” declarations. They are pretty much useless and are largely ignored. It does not help for outside people to say you are a good parent/spouse/person, to repeat stories you have told them about the other parent or generally offer their opinions about what should happen. If they have witnessed something specific that your attorney thinks would be helpful, that is the declaration you should obtain.
  • Should your child be interviewed by a court-appointed investigator, do not try to coach your child on what to say. This will often come out and can be a strong mark against you.

A Child Custody Lawyer Can Help with Proving a Parent Is Unfit

  • If you believe the other parent really is unfit, you will need to provide specific factual evidence. Your child custody attorney can help you determine what evidence will be most helpful.
  • If there has been domestic violence or abuse, compile any relevant and available evidence of such:
    • medical reports
    • pictures of injuries
    • eyewitness accounts of abuse may help as well.
    • In these cases, it is very important to work with the parenting investigator, supplying them with the information you have as well as names and contact information for people who have knowledge.

What will my child be asked in a custody proceeding?

Judges do not like to have children testify in court. Doing so would put them in a very difficult position with regard to loyalty to both parents as well as cause significant emotional strain. If the court wants information from a child, they generally ask the court appointed investigator to interview the child and report back. If you have concerns, make sure you discuss them with your lawyer.

Does my child have a say in deciding which home/parent will be their primary residence?

The court can consider “the wishes of a child who is sufficiently mature to express reasoned and independent preferences as to his or her residential schedule”.

Maturity in this context does not refer to the age of the child so much as the degree to which the reasons given represent mature thinking. A child that says I would like to live with Mom/Dad because they buy me stuff is not showing very mature reasoning. Whereas, a child that says Dad/Mom is better at providing an environment for me to get my homework done is giving a more mature reason. Knowing this, do not try to coach your child on what to say. This will often come out and can be a strong mark against you.

The interviewer typically tries to avoid direct questions like “which parent would you prefer to live with” which tend to put the child on the spot. Instead, they are likely to ask more indirect questions like “tell me about your parents” and “what do you like to do with each parent.”

Read Our Parenting Guide to Divorce to Help Your Family Cope During a Divorce

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