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Divorce is generally one of the most emotionally charged and conflict-ridden experiences that a person can go through. It can be a time when everyone is on edge, and you will have arguably more conflict with your ex than you ever have before. Property division, child custody, and child support are just some of the many areas that can cause conflict. Managing this conflict appropriately can help you through the process. It can ensure that you will be able to end your marriage in a way that is fair to everyone – most of all, you. Below are some tips for managing conflict during a divorce.

Tip #1: Prioritize Communication

The best way to deal with conflict is to communicate openly and honestly. The following are some guidelines that will help you improve your communication skills:

• Stay Cool: Control your emotions while talking. Take some deep breaths. Pause to collect yourself, if necessary. 
• Be succinct and direct: Make your wishes known. Be clear in your expectations, and don’t leave anything up for interpretation. 
• Listen: Listen to what your partner is saying. Don’t interrupt. Try to see things from their point of view.
• Use ‘I’ Statements: Express your feelings and needs, not blame, in words that relate to your concern. For example, “I felt hurt when…” not “You always…”

Tip #2: Set Boundaries

Establishing boundaries can help reduce the intensity of conflicts. Consider the following:

• Limit Communication Channels: Decide how and when you’ll communicate (e.g., email only, or scheduled calls) to avoid unnecessary tension and conflict. 
• Set Time Limits: Start setting time limits on divorce-related discussions, such as planning to talk about only one issue for half an hour or negotiating for 15 minutes so that they don’t take over every conversation.
• Personal Space: Give each other physical space to process emotions by themselves, to avoid escalating tensions, and give the other time to think. 

Tip #3: Focus on the Big Picture

When you’re in the heat of the moment, it’s easy to lose your cool over small issues. But if you stay focused on the bigger picture, you’ll be more likely to handle disagreements more productively. What is most important to you? Your children? Your financial situation? What are your goals?

When you’re disputing something very small, let it go and focus instead on achieving an agreement about the big things. Additionally, consider how decisions made in the divorce will affect you in the future. Strive to arrive at resolutions that lead to wellness in the long run instead of in the short term.

Tip #4: Seek Mediation

Mediation involves using a neutral third party to help couples resolve their disputes. It can be a useful way to keep the conflict under control. Mediators provide a neutral space where both parties can feel heard.

Additionally, mediators help facilitate productive discussions, keeping the conversation focused and respectful. They also help parties find solutions that are mutually beneficial, while battles, arguments, and posturing in adversarial negotiations may not.

Tip #5: Protect Your Children

If you have children, their well-being should be of primary importance. Effectively handling conflict can help insulate the kids from divorce stress. That said, don’t discuss divorce details or bitter feelings in front of your kids.

Also, it is critical that you maintain a regular schedule to give your children some stability during such a change. Develop a co-parenting plan with your spouse that helps minimize the impact of your break-up on your children.

Tip #6: Take Care of Yourself

Self-care is especially important during a divorce. Keeping your own needs in check and dealing with your own stress can be helpful when dealing with conflict. Consider starting an exercise regimen or perhaps changing your diet and getting more sleep.

Seek emotional support, whether it’s through talking to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist. Talking about your feelings can help you process them and reduce stress. Similarly, you can practice mindfulness, meditation or other relaxation techniques to help manage anxiety and focus on staying grounded. 

Tip #7: Be Prepared for Negotiations

Preparation can help you approach negotiations with confidence and clarity.

• Gather Your Facts: Gather all of your financial information, such as account statements, tax returns, pay stubs and anything else that shows your income, assets, debts, and living expenses.
• Legal Advice: Seek legal guidance from a lawyer, then consider the next possible steps.
• Flexible Mindset: Be open to compromise and brainstorm different possible solutions. Flexibility can help you reach a more amicable solution.

Tip #8: Manage Expectations

Having realistic expectations can prevent disappointment and reduce conflict. Accordingly, you are encouraged to be aware of what the divorce process entails and what to expect at each of the stages. Some resolutions will never be perfect, but you can actively work toward reaching a fair and reasonable outcome. 

Keep your long-term goals in mind so you don’t get too caught up in immediate desires. 

Tip #9: Document Communications

Keeping detailed records can help avoid misunderstandings and protect your interests. Document all agreements and decisions made during the divorce process. Keep records of your communications with your spouse – both emails and text messages should be documented. Also, maintain updated financial records to support your claims and decisions.

Tip #10: Know When to Seek Professional Help

Sometimes, professional intervention is necessary to manage conflict effectively. Consider the following:

• Therapy or Counseling: Individual or couples counseling provides an opportunity to safely process feelings and improve communication.
• Legal Counsel: A good divorce lawyer can help you navigate the legal issues and represent you. 
• Financial Advisor: Obtaining the services of a financial advisor can help you understand how divorce will impact your finances and prepare you for the future.

Let a Skilled Divorce Attorney Help

Managing conflict during a divorce is challenging but essential for reaching a fair and amicable resolution. Prioritizing communication, setting boundaries, focusing on the big picture, and seeking professional help when needed can help you navigate this difficult process more effectively. 

Remember to take care of yourself and protect your children, keeping their well-being at the forefront of your decisions. With the right strategies and support, you can manage conflict during your divorce and move forward toward a healthier, more stable future. Contact our office today for immediate assistance.