One of the best ways to deal with the negative impacts of divorce is to work to minimize them. This is both a matter of lowering the conflict and preparing for your new single life.
One impact from divorce is certainly the financial.
Even though the divorce settlement may balance the incomes to some extent, two households are more expensive than one, so your money is not going to go as far. Working with a financial advisor can help you plan how best to make it on your income going forward.
This may involve finding less expensive housing or sharing housing. It may involve taking a hard look at your total budget. It might also involve training for a career change.
The point is to get help putting together the best possible plan for your future so you can feel secure.
Another impact is emotional.
Divorce is painful, but it can be less painful with the proper approach. Fighting makes the whole situation worse. Trying approaches like Mediation and Collaborative Divorce can help reduce the fighting, as does hiring a lawyer who believes in reducing conflict.
Both of you working with a divorce coach can help. Committing to not responding to angry outbursts or attacks from your ex can help (when you attack back, that just ratchets up the conflict).
Finally, having a counselor to work with can help you deal better with the pain that is unavoidable.
Parenting is another area that is significantly impacted by divorce.
Again, one key is to reduce the parental conflict as much as possible. The more both parents can find ways to continue to work together for the good of the children, the smoother ongoing parenting will be. A joint family therapist or parenting specialist can help a great deal.
To the extent that there is parental conflict, shield the children from it by not arguing in their presence, not criticizing the other parent in front of the children (watch those phone calls with friends), and refusing to rise to negativity by the other parent.
One good strategy is to complement positive behavior by the other parent while not responding to negative behavior. Just like in parenting, this reinforces the positive behavior.
At Seattle Divorce Services we work to reduce the negativity in divorce while helping you plan for a positive future.